Dumb Brats and Dumb Glasses
by GhostiesandGhoulies
Summary: Hanji attempts to persuade Levi to let her experiment with Eren and then ends up just bribing him to get her way. Then things go badly and the Corporal has to step in and help. Let's just say Hanji is lucky Levi tolerates her so much! Heavily implied Riren/Ereri. Rated for language!


**This story idea was spurred on by a conversation with AriaofYlisse - thanks for the inspiration dear!**

 **Warning \- As Levi is aggravated for a dominant part of this tale, he curses quite a bit! Heavily implied Riren/Ereri!**

 **Attack on Titan / Shingeki No Kyojin belongs to Hajime Isayama, not me!**

* * *

Levi eyed the innocent looking stack of paperwork on his desk with utter disdain. His gray eyes then trailed to his empty tea cup, his gaze sharpened. It was not a good day.

The door to his office slammed open loudly, revealing the excitable Hanji herself. "LEVIIIIIII!"

"Do you not know how to fucking knock," he growled out harshly.

She blatantly ignored his comment and beamed at him, "Can I borrow your brat for a bit?! I haven't gotten to experiment with him in _soooo_ long!"

He scowled at her in firm distaste. "No. He's busy doing something for me."

Hanji quirked a brow, "Eren, you're not under that desk are you?"

The pen Levi was using snapped in his hand. If looks could kill, the woman before him would be dead thirty times over.

She bent over, howling with laughter, "O-Ohh my god! Your face!" It took her a bit to settle herself but soon after she had, she slid on a pleading look, "Please Levi?"

"I already told you - no."

"PLEASE?!" She tried again with a puppy dog face.

His glare hardened, "No... and stop with that face, you look dumb as shit."

"Come on… it'd only be for an hour or so!"

Levi grabbed another writing utensil and went back to his paperwork, "No, go find some other titans to play with and get yourself eaten while you're at it."

"B-But Sawney and Bean are gone… I need Eren."

"Fuck off, he's mine."

Hanji leant on his desk with a pouting face, "Awww come on Levi, share your toys!"

"I don't share, shitty glasses," he replied, "especially when it comes to my brat."

She pouted more fervently and then caught sight of his empty teacup and grinned, "I'll make you some tea…"

He paused momentarily in his writing, "...No."

There wasn't even a moment of silence before she spoke again, "I'll make it in your favorite china.."

"..."

Hanji gave a smirk as she continued, "The pristine, shiny and overall immaculate white set…"

"Tch! Trying you bait me… you shit face.."

"..That glistens with cleanliness when held in the light, filled to the brim with your _favorite_ bitterly sweet tea…" she coaxed.

"..." He really did need some tea… "...Damn you.."

Time for the cherry on top. "I'll even have Eren prepare it for you!"

Fuck.

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose with impatience. He glared up at the expectant looking scientist, "...Fine."

Her eyes widened with happiness as she gave an excited shriek.

"But you had better be damn sure he comes back to me in one piece. You hear me, shitty glasses?"

She nodded to him frantically.

"...Did I miss something?" Eren stood looking utterly confused at the door.

"EREN!"

He dodged around the glomp that had been aimed in his previous location. Teal eyes turned towards his superior with curiosity, "Corporal?"

"WE HAVE TO MAKE YOUR SUGAR DADDY SOME TEA AND THEN WE CAN GO EXPERIMENT, MY LITTLE TITAN!" Hanji shouted in excitement.

"Don't call me that, you shitty woman!"

"But you're like two times his age…. Oh well you're adorable together so what does it matter?!" She grinned maniacally, "Say Eren, does shorty make up for his small size in bed?"

Eren turned scarlet red at the question, hiding his face in his hands as he spluttered at the blatant question.

Levi grit his teeth, "If you don't shut your mouth I might change my mind…"

"QUICK EREN! THERE ISN'T A SECOND TO LOSE! WE MUST MAKE SHORTY HIS TEA!"

Silence again enveloped the small room and Levi felt his headache dissipate slightly. He continued work on the paperwork. He finally got back into his rhythm when the door burst open again. He wanted to let his head drop onto the desk in irritation. His gray eyes trailed upwards to see a sheepish looking Eren being pushed further into the room by Hanji.

True to what she had said, in Eren's hands sat a full cup of tea in his favorite china set. His mouth watered a bit. It was set before him gently. The steam billowing from the rim was most appeasing.

Hanji was quick to begin ushering the titan shifter out the door, "There's your damn tea, shorty! We'll be outside doing science! You can come if you want, who knows if we'll need someone to cut out my darling titan here… Kay? Thanks - bye!"

The short statured Corporal glared at their retreating backs in disinterest. "Like I could leave you two alone for too long, can't trust either of you dumb shits to be careful," he muttered to himself. He blew the steam from the tea and took a small sip, scowling slightly. "Tastes like shit."

Loud thumps from outside immediately caught his attention, he peered out of his window just in time to see Eren's titan form racing off towards the nearby forest with Hanji on his shoulder. Levi gave an audible sigh; figures.

He lost track of time as he focused once more on his paperwork, sipping absently at the poorly made tea that sat on his desk. It couldn't have been more than an hour or so when a frantic knocking sounded at his door.

"At least _someone_ knows how to knock," he grumbled quietly. "Come in," he called after a moment.

A frightened looking cadet entered and saluted stiffly, "Corporal, sir! Squad Leader Hanji ordered that I retrieve you immediately!"

His intelligent eyes narrowed in response, "Why? What's going on?"

"Some kind of incident has arisen during her experiment, sir! She isn't allowing anyone in the area!"

The feeling of dread welled up within him slightly, "Shit.. Where are they?" He was not freaking out a bit internally, no, not at all.

"The training grounds in the forest, sir!"

Levi strapped on his gear swiftly and shot off towards the forest. His feeling of unease grew when he heard the distinct roar of Eren's titan. But it sounded different… off somehow. The sight that greeted him definitely didn't help matters.

Hanji was moving around the area, frantically trying to avoid the swinging arms of the titan before her. She was nowhere near up to the speed she normally exhibited, something was wrong. A bit of blood stained the front on her shirt, meaning it had to be hers as titan blood evaporated.

He was _not_ freaking out - absolutely not. "Hanji!" He shouted to her, "What the hell happened?!"

The woman finally seemed to notice his sudden appearance, tears were streaming down her face. She found a spot to hide in momentarily, "I d-don't know! One minute he was fine and then he stopped listening to me and started swatting at me instead!"

They both jumped to avoid a hit from the rampaging Eren.

"He's not recognizing me!" She cried in frustration.

With a growl, Levi began directing himself so as to get the other free. "Shit… I'm going to cut him out!"

Hanji landed unsteadily on a branch, "Be careful! He got me pretty good when I wasn't expecting it…"

He disregarded her concern and landed on the titan's head, "Oi, shit head! What the hell do you think you're doing?" His anger manifested in terms of stomping on its head aggressively.

Seeing as the titan's attention was no longer on her, the brunette watched anxiously from a nearby tree.

Eren slowly raised a hand to his head as if to swat at Levi.

"No you _fucking_ don't, Jaeger," he hissed, "if you want to live when you get out of this titan, you best rethink that!"

The hand continued to raise and Hanji panicked. She shot out and landed on the hand, stabbing it slightly with one of her blades. "Eren stop this," she called to him. "Don't hurt him!"

He continued stomping on its head which only seemed to further instigate things.

"Levi stop it! That's not helping," she exclaimed in exasperation. Her brows were furrowed in either pain or frustration.

The short Corporal glared at her, though he looked a bit concerned. Deciding to try a new tactic, he shot two hooks into Eren's scalp and hovered in front of the titan shifter's face. "Are you listening to me shit for brains?"

His response was a low roar and the sight of Hanji getting flung away as if she were nothing more than a bug.

He followed her with his eyes, his stomach sinking as he did. She was barely able to right herself and land heavily on the ground near the base of a tree. The cry of pain that escaped her didn't go unnoticed by him. Levi glared into the large glowing eyes in front of him, "What the fuck is wrong with you brat?!"

Hanji clutched at her side with a pained expression, "Levi! He can't hear you - just cut him out!"

Anger flowed through him as he realized it to be true. His words were having no effect. He shot back up to the titan's head as it flung its hand in front of its face. "You stupid brat," he muttered. With practiced accuracy, he shot himself to the titan's nape.

His attention shifted to his comrade then, brows furrowing at her incapacitated form. "Hanji," he called over Eren's stomping, "Get out of here, I've got this!" Despite the sounds all around him, he didn't miss her strained retort from the ground below.

She gave a harsh chuckle as she slunk down to rest against the tree, "Kinda hard to do… No doubt three of my ribs are broken.. if not more."

He separated Eren a bit as the titan tumbled forward with dead weight. Levi began prying the boy from the steaming carcass before he could become fused with the remaining skin. "You're so dead when you wake up," he threatened.

A cough sounded from nearby, followed by a pained groan. "That hurt... Don't blame him - at least not entirely. He wasn't entirely at f-" Hanji sucked in a breath as a pulse of pain went through her, " _Owww_.. it wasn't all his fault y'know. I was the one that made him transform…" She was rambling, "Didn't even really want to but I told him everything would be okay… Sucks to be wrong.. That doesn't really happen that often, it's kind of a weird thing t-.. Ow, ow ow!"

Levi halted in his motions just long enough to spare the woman a lingering glance.

"I think he might've broken part of my pelvis too," she breathed, "that would explain why this hurts so much…"

He had finally freed the source of his current problems. He glared down at the boy's unconscious form as he drug it towards the other brunette's place at the base of the tree. "So _fucking_ dead when you wake up…" he growled. Once he stopped, Levi turned to the woman beside him with barely concealed concern.

Hanji gave a breathy laugh at his staring, "Mm'fine Levi, just hurting a bit is all." She managed to pull herself up into a semi-standing position though she favored her right side.

"Will you be able to walk," he asked outright, "The brat is out cold so I'll have to carry him…"

"Sure I can walk… well stagger.. Heh I'll get there eventually." She was visibly swaying on her feet, face gray with fatigue.

His gunmetal eyes narrowed as he hefted Eren over his shoulder and then approached the distracted brunette. Not giving her a chance to react, he threw her over his other shoulder.

"Shit Levi," she cried out painfully at the motion. "THAT HURT!"

He paused long enough in his steps to offer a quiet apology which seemed to set the woman off on another torrent.

"Take me out to dinner first or something… damn shorty," she grumbled from over his shoulder, bracing herself a bit to make the journey back a bit more bearable for herself.

"Shut it, shitty glasses."

She seemed to finally realize that he had apologized previously, "Hahaha I finally got an apology from his majesty.. Hahah-owwww…"

Levi elected to ignore her ramblings as he pushed himself to walk faster.

"Hahaha owwww… I need some pain medssss… hehehe owww," she continued on senselessly. "Remind me to ask Eren to not hit me again anytime soon…"

"Tch! The little shit won't hit you ever again once I'm done with him," he scoffed in return.

Hanji didn't appear to hear him, "Even if it was for science, it hurtssss."

They were nearing headquarters - finally. "I damn well bet it does," he returned sarcastically.

"I wonder what I looked like getting smacked by a titan into that tree…" she pondered incoherently, "must've been quite the sight to see… heheh…."

The short Corporal rolled his eyes at that, "I almost wish you had fainted too, your senseless jabbering is really annoying."

Her body began to slacken a bit in his hold, instantly alerting him. "Wonder if Eren… will r'member..? Hmm… I'm gettin' sleepy.. G'night Levi….." She went completely limp in his grasp.

"Shit," he cursed. As glad as he was for the silence, he really didn't think it was a good thing that she had lost consciousness. He hastened his pace to reach the infirmary, quickly dumping Eren on one cot. Levi then gently removed the scientist from his shoulder, trying to not jar her injuries too badly.

He went off to find a doctor to fix up his enthusiastic comrade, attempting to push down his concern for the woman. They would set her bones as best they could and then bind her up, no big deal. She would be fine.

The doctor worked with slow and steady hands, applying various salves and herbs to the woman's bruise infested side.

Levi watched every now and then from Eren's bed. He sat running his hands through the boy's unruly brown locks, noting how it seemed to smoothen out his furrowed brow as he slept.

"She'll be fine," the medic concluded eventually, "she'll need to rest for a good two months with her ribs being as they are… but knowing Hanji, she'll be back up and running before then."

As the man left, Levi couldn't stop a small smirk from appearing - oh how true it was.

* * *

"Leviiiiii, I'm bored!"

A piece of bread was thrown at her and smacked her in the face.

"Hey! Respect the wounded, asshole!"

Levi raised a brow at the woman, "Only if they respect me first."

Hanji pouted, "I was respectful!"

"..For the first few minutes," Eren murmured from nearby.

"You don't get to talk - you did this to me Jaegster," she exclaimed with a playful smile.

He returned it with his own slightly guilty one, "Yeah… sorry about that."

A moment of silence passed.

"But really - what are we going to do about my boredom?"

Eren and Levi shared a sigh. It was going to be a long two months.

* * *

 **TAH-DAH! Hope it was to your liking. I wanted to have a ficlet where Levi portrayed some of his care for Hanji, hence this tale. R &R and tell me what you thought if you so choose! See ya next time!**

 **~Ghosties**


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